Lonely No More
by Guardian Kysra
Summary: 8 months after Endless Waltz, Relena's body guard begins to fall in love with her and it isn't Heero . . . songfic to Ricky Martin's "Nobody Wants to be Lonely"


Hiya people! Ok, before anyone jumps down my throat for writing this instead of MoY I have to defend myself and say, It wasn't my fault! It's all the muse's fault!!!!   
  
*ahem*  
  
That said, a few notes: This fic takes place roughly 8 months after Endless Waltz. Heero is Relena's bodyguard but he had to erm, step out for a bit and someone else took his place. Given my biases I'm sure you can guess who it is. Actually, this is just my excuse to introduce them to one another since we never actually SEE them introduced or meeting or anything *sniff* Anyway, it's a songfic to Ricky Martin's "Nobody Wants to be Lonely" (I have a LOT of songfics by Ricky Martin don't I?). The stuff between ~~ is a flashback ^_^ I want to thank Angel Love for prereading this thing TWICE for me ^_^ Thank you very much! Merci Beaucoup!  
  
Enjoy!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Ha! I so wish! ;-; Oh yeah, and the song "Nobody Wants to be Lonely" does NOT belong to me. I'm not that talented, but thankfully Ricky Martin is ^_^ (Has anyone noticed my trend of Ricky Martin songfics? O.O).  
  
Lonely No More  
by Kysra  
  
  
*There you are  
In a darkened room and you're all alone   
Looking out the window*  
  
Steeped in shadows, he watched her as he did every night since taking this mission. Her milky pale face was upraised to the Moon's celestial light, the illuminating rays falling through the insubstantial glass of the Gothic style window to embrace her in phantom limbs of cool radiance. Her hair, golden by day, shown like platinum in the subdued glow of Diana's orb while blue eyes seemed almost silver as the night passed in a cacophony of silence.  
  
*Your heart is cold and lost the will to love   
Like a broken arrow*   
  
There was a distance in the silvery recesses of her brilliant yet empty eyes, the stillness of her gaze betraying the distracting thoughts racing through her head as a sheen of moisture marred the perfection of the private image she created for his devouring senses. Her body tensed without moving, her unblinking eyes flooding with tears forbidden to take the fall down the slope of her cheek. Clothed arms came up stiffly to wrap around her waist as a shiver ran visibly through her slim body, the Moon doing nothing to warm Her suffering child as sobs fought to escape the iron confines of the young woman's soul.  
  
She was broken, lost and helpless in a sea of faceless ghosts while still remaining locked within her solitude. She was so much like him, merely a reflection of what she could be, and he found that the more he watched her, the more he wished to be the one to heal her sadness, to fulfill the promise hiding there just behind her eyes.  
  
*Here I stand in the shadows   
Come to me  
Come to me*  
  
He sunk deeper into the blanket of darkness that covered his existence as the object of his interest sighed heavily before turning her body unknowingly toward his, one side of her face immersed in obscurity while the other remained painfully visible, the pale skin of her cheek glistening with rivulets of glowing water as if her face were the earth and her tears were the rivers cutting forcefully through that earth.   
  
Blue eyes, twin orbs which reflected the vulnerability of a soul ready to admit defeat, were closed to his vision, the once silver cast gone in favor of the natural color passed to her from parents long gone, sacrificed to the dusty archives of history. The same history that threatened to swallow her within its abysmal maw.  
  
How he ached to rescue her from the destiny life had handed to her, to whisk her up into his arms and take her away to some place where she would be given the opportunity to recover the luster that had once colored her eye a deeper blue than the depths of the infinite oceans, a blue more heavenly than the soft hue of the sky at midday. He wanted to be her friend, to be able to step away from the shadows and rejuvenate her faltering light.  
  
*Can't you see that  
Nobody wants to be lonely   
Nobody wants to cry *  
  
Silken blonde strands sailed through the air just inches from his face as she ran out of the empty room which had become her sanctuary from the world of illusion she had come to loathe. The faint perfume of her unique scent hung in the still night as he stealthily moved to follow her, confident she would be found within the confines of her bedroom, the place she usually retreated after these little sessions of hers.  
  
He wondered if she would ever realize her worth, questioned if she knew how much and how many people genuinely loved her and wished her happiness, and pondered how anyone so beautiful should be made to suffer such forced loneliness.  
  
*My body's longing to hold you  
So bad it hurts inside  
Time is precious and it's slipping away  
And I've been waiting for you all of my life *  
  
Sometimes it was so hard to understand what had happened from the time he had first accepted this position and the present. He had never been what anyone would call "emotional", but he was very sensitive to the emotions of others, his talent being the perception of the ever-changing mood of surrounding humans; however, he had never counted on being so affected by her.   
  
At first, he had sympathized with her solitary lifestyle, had watched her go through the motions of the daily routine: get up, get dressed, do paper work, lunch, more paperwork, meeting, bed. He had observed the mask she would don to keep the people she dealt with at a distance while simultaneously giving of herself, never faltering in her kindness to those who needed her guidance and understanding.  
  
As the days passed and time inevitably progressed, he had become attuned to her smiles, frowns, and laughter, instinctively identifying those which were genuine as opposed to mere specters of an honest expression, and as his familiarity with every nuance of her personality deepened and intensified, so to did his respect toward her till eventually his heart ached whenever she was near and even more when she was not.  
  
It seemed that he was doomed to feel connected to her despite everything set in their path, and he was acutely aware that no matter how much he wished it were different, the fact remained that she did not even know of his existence. She would never know, and he had long since accepted that he would live his life without her in it.  
  
*Nobody wants to be lonely so why  
Why don't you let me love you*  
  
As expected, he found her in her bedroom, his body once more merging with the veiled patches of black along the walls just outside her balcony window. Hooded eyes took in her shadowed form flung upon the large bed, the Moon's face shedding glittering brightness of placating streams upon the fallen Princess. She lay on her stomach, face buried in the cradle of folded arms as her shoulders quivered with quiet sobs.  
  
An hour passed in relative silence, him watching, her crying, when her body gave one last shudder of sorrow before settling down into an exhausted slumber. Diana's spell had been woven once more to allow him the guilty pleasure of giving her some measure of peace in the night.  
  
With a grace matched only by a few, he eased the glass doors of her balcony open to allow himself entry into her room. He then padded silently to the bed where he lingered for a few moments, his eyes taking in her delicate form and admiring the seemingly ethereal beauty she possessed, as if her soul were too immense for her body to fully house, its only release to be found by reflecting itself through every pore, every hair follicle, every cell . . . When he saw her like this, he could believe she was the Dove of Peace the human race made her out to be.  
  
If only they could see they had trapped that dove within a cage of such design that she could never hope for escape or granted freedom.  
  
*Can you hear my voice  
Do you hear my song   
It's a serenade so your heart can find me *  
  
Easing her body in a more comfortable position, he removed her shoes and blazer before pulling the blankets over her petite frame. He then grazed her tearstained cheek with the back of his hand gently, his fingers feathering softly over her smooth forehead before his lips met hers in a brief, nearly insubstantial, contact.   
  
"Pleasant dreams, Relena," he whispered into her ear and felt his lips curve into a small smile as hers did the same.  
*And suddenly you're flying down the stairs   
Into my arms baby*  
  
Watching again, he sat upon the railing of her balcony as Phoebus arced into the dawn, alighting the earth and all its treasures, including the one who now rested within the tantalizingly close bedroom, her body balled up beneath the thick insulation of the blankets, blissfully oblivious to the new day.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door before Miss Noin entered the room soundlessly, her piercing blue gaze easily finding him in the broad daylight, her hand beckoning him in and away before the blonde angel should wake to discover him.  
  
The raven-haired wife of Zechs Merquise had brightened Relena's life since returning with the errant Cinq Prince and pressing her reluctant husband to set right what had gone horribly wrong, to make peace with his little sister. The relationship that had blossomed over the tumultuous months had remedied the blonde's seemingly friendless state somewhat, but had failed to chase the looming darkness from her once bright eyes.  
  
It was Noin that had first asked him to become Relena's bodyguard in Heero's absence. It was Noin who had become Relena's confidante. It was Noin who made certain he did not overtax himself on Relena's account, ushering him to bed, to rest.  
  
As he had done every morning for the last three months, he again entered the bedroom, this time keeping his eyes trained on the door, never allowing his gaze to venture farther than the bookcase ten feet from the foot of the bed. He could not give any sign that his attitude had changed from professional and detached to personally entangled or else risk being dismissed and substituted. Only when he had made the short journey to the guestroom directly next door to hers (which served as his temporary lodging while guarding her) would he have the luxury of entertaining fantasies of Relena in his arms, giving him the privilege of loving her.  
  
*Before I start going crazy  
Run to me  
Run to me   
Cause I'm dying*  
  
Sleep would not come while visions of her filled his mind's eye. Her face, sad and drawn, haunted him as worries gnawed and provoked the protective reflex he had developed in regards to her well-being to life. He had to know she was safe at all times, and now, here, in this large, cold guestroom, he was driving himself insane with morbid scenarios which, while improbable, were not impossible of occurring in reality.  
  
However, life, training, and experience had long ago taught him patience and restraint, and though it felt as if he were dying of anxiety, he would await her return to resume his guard duty. Now, he must rest, and later . . . Later, he would be free to indulge in his desires while she took comfort in the oblivion of sleep.  
  
*Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry  
My body's longing to hold you   
So bad it hurts inside*  
  
His dreams were filled with her image, his soul echoing the syllable of her name as the dark mists of a nightmare nearly formed flinched and slithered away from the essence of her hold on his subconscious. She was his talisman against the darkness behind the masks which he habitually wore. She was his happiness.  
  
*Time is precious and it's slipping away  
And I've been waiting for you all of my life  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
So why, why won't you let me love you?*  
  
Time was his enemy. Time would eventually send him away from her in favor of Heero's return, and he was all too aware of just what he would be leaving.  
  
He didn't want to be apart from her.  
  
*I want to feel you need me   
Just like the air you're breathin'   
I need you here in my life*  
  
Weeks passed unnoticed once more in her presence, and he found himself tailing her as she wobbled precariously on four inch heels to return a stack of paperwork to the Minister of Colonial Defense, thin ankles faltering under the pressure and strain of a full day put to torturous use. It did not escape his notice that she usually had her secretary perform such errands, but time had drifted faster than obviously anticipated, putting her an hour behind schedule. She must have insisted Elizabeth go home in lieu of her belatedness.   
  
He knew she was rushed and overwhelmed, but this was the last task to be completed for the day before returning home to don the peaches and cream full-skirted gown she had chosen to wear to a charity ball later tonight.  
  
Suddenly, she lost her balance as the heel of her left shoe detached itself from the sole of the well-used pump, and her body began its swift descent to the hard, unforgiving tiled floor, the pile of paper fluttering in a disorderly fall of sheet parchment.  
  
Without thinking, he disengaged from his post to close the short distance between them, his arms snaking around her waist while pulling her up against his chest, steadying her, effectively saving her from gravity's evil plan to harm her.  
  
"Th . . thank you," she mumbled, her blue eyes looking into his own visible eye as he unwillingly loosened his grip, savoring the feel of her body sliding down his own as he set her on her feet.   
  
"You're welcome."   
  
She stared at him a moment more, a curious pink stain blossoming in her cheeks before her gaze dropped to the floor, "Oh no! They're out of order!" Tearing her shoes off in frustration, she lowered herself to kneel upon the floor, fretful hands gathering the scattered paper in a hectic display of nervous anxiety.  
  
He knelt next to her, his large hands halting her cold, small ones, "Calm down."  
  
Relena slowly met his gaze, perfect white teeth chewing at her lower lip in an agitated impulse, "You don't understand. These were deadlined for an hour ago, and Minister Gaston dislikes me enough as it is."  
  
"There's no reason to rush. Take a deep breath, relax, and take your time."   
  
She did as she was told, her lashes dusting the skin of her cheek as she closed her eyes in an effort to block the world from her vision.   
  
When she reopened them, the stormy blue of her eyes held less of the initial panic even if she wasn't totally calm. Together they collected the mussed pile, and somehow managed to return the three hundred plus pages to a suitably ordered state.  
  
"Thank you again. I apologize for my clumsiness and my earlier hysteria. It's been one of those weeks." She gave him a sardonic smile before holding out her hand.  
  
With a slight hesitation, he took the proffered hand and shook, "There is no need to apologize."  
  
She bent to collect her useless shoes and turned to walk away, her shiny blonde hair seemed to suspend momentarily in the air before gliding across her back as she pivoted back to him, her eyes questioning, "I know this sounds strange, but do I know you from somewhere? I could swear I've heard your voice before."  
  
Schooling his features into the mask that had served him so well for most of his life, he shook his head, not willing to lie to her verbally, not able to tell her the truth.  
  
*Don't walk away*  
  
Hours after the charity ball had ended, he found himself in the library with Noin, his charge in the bathroom washing the makeup and choking perfume from her body, changing from the constricting gown to more comfortable sleep wear. His superior said nothing, too engrossed in the book she was reading to take any notice of him while he occupied himself by browsing the myriad titles the Peacecraft family had collected over the decades.  
  
"Noin?" Her voice echoed in the cavernous library of the Peacecraft Mansion as he moved to hide his physical presence by ducking behind one of the many bookcases standing in a loose phalanx within the gargantuan expanse of the room.  
  
His raven-haired superior perked up at the younger woman's voice, and he marveled at how different yet similar they were. Like night and day but united in their sense of purpose and determination. They were both females to be admired and respected.  
  
"What is it Relena?" Noin closed the book she had been perusing softly.  
  
Relena noisily pulled a chair to the table Noin had chosen to use as her reading desk for the evening and sat down beside the older woman, her pale blue eyes trained at some point near the center of the cherrywood stained surface, "I met this man today . . . and I was wondering if you could possibly find out who and where he is for me."  
  
Noin and he blinked, surprised, simultaneously. Relena's cheeks became solid red.  
  
"I'm not sure Relena . . . There are a lot of men out there."  
  
"I know but, um . . . he had a Preventer I. D. tag. I couldn't read the name though . . ."  
  
A hesitation, "Alright. What did he look like?"  
  
"Well, he had a very distinguishing hairstyle. Sort of like yours only more . . . masculine? His hair color was light brown, and he had the most amazing green eyes. It was like . . . I don't know. It was like he could see right through me, and all my secrets and emotions were closer to the surface than I could have ever imagined."  
  
Noin's eyes widened, and he could see the muscles of her neck and shoulders tense sharply, "What about Heero?" It was obvious she was trying to keep her voice even and soft.  
  
"What about Heero?" Relena's face became the very picture of confusion, her brows drawn taut over her eyes, a small indention appearing in the area directly in the center of her eyebrows as her coral lips pursed into a pouting frown.  
  
"We . . . I thought you were in love with him."  
  
Sapphire eyes widened before a small smile illuminated her fine features, "Well, I'm not. I admire, respect, and care for him, but I'm not in love with him. Honestly Lucrezia, why did you even bring Heero up?"  
  
He observed the slightly embarrassed expression on the older woman's face, "I was just . . . What do you want with this mystery man?"  
  
"Just talk. I think I've heard his voice before, and I can't seem to remember where. It's the weirdest thing, but . . . I feel that if I don't find him, if I don't talk to him I'll be missing out on something really important. I just need to know who he is. Please, Noin."   
  
His secret love turned an earnest, pleading look to her sister-in-law, and he had to suppress a relieved sigh when the ex-Mobile Suit instructor released a deep breath and nodded reluctantly, "Very well, but I'm warning you Relena, you may find something you're not prepared to deal with."  
  
Relena nodded stiffly, "I know. Don't worry so much!" She stood and hugged the taller woman, pressing a brief kiss on one cheek before turning on her heel to stride toward the library door.  
  
*Don't walk away*  
  
As she walked further and further away, he had to restrain himself from crying out, from calling, "I'm here!" However, his earnest tension was unnecessary for after a few moments of echoing footfalls, Noin's soft voice reached out to the blonde woman,  
  
"Trowa Barton."  
  
He watched as his golden dove halted just as her small, ivory hand touched the gilt doorknob, "What?"  
  
Noin sighed audibly, the slight hiss echoing in the still silence, "Trowa Barton is his name. He was a Gundam pilot."  
  
Holding his breath, he felt the loneliness of his own soul reaching out to her, daring to hope that such a revelation would not turn her away, praying that she would hear him in his screaming silence, dreaming that the unwavering acceptance she had shown every obstacle and surprise ever thrown in her path would permit her to accept him now.  
  
"I see. You weren't going to tell me were you?" Her voice was so quiet as to only leave the impression of a whisper in the dark, a weak, diaphanous sound -- the note of barely concealed betrayal steadying, strengthening the flat inquiry. Her smooth shoulders shook with barely suppressed anxiety, her hands held limply at her sides while the muscles of her bare legs twitched nervously.   
  
Noin shook her head and stood as well, the legs of her chair making loud screeching sounds that bounced off the walls like the cries of a million flying banshees, deafening the three library occupants, healing them, taunting them . . . "No."  
  
"What changed your mind?"  
  
Trowa leaned against the solidity of the wooden bookcase, his eyes averted from the scene unfolding before him. He did not need vision to tell him the story. He would rely on his other senses to assure him of the reality of this moment.  
  
Noin's voice reached him next, her speech halting as if she had to give deep thought to every word spoken, "You. You've been so . . . distant lately . . even with Zechs back, even . . . We were so concerned that we were losing you . . We thought it was because of Heero. We believed you were in love with him, that you were depressed because he left . . . and now . . ."  
  
There was a moment's pause before Relena's soft voice prompted the rest of the explanation, "Now?"  
  
A deep, resounding breath, "Now . . . when you came in here, when you were describing Trowa, your eyes . . . It was like looking into the past yet staring straight ahead into the future. That light that you've been missing was there. I didn't want you to lose that after finding it so soon, besides, I did the same thing you're doing now to get close to Zechs. If my superior had not been kind enough to dispense the information I had asked for, I may never have summoned enough courage to introduce myself to him."  
  
"It's not like I'm going to marry him or anything Lucrezia," the jingling bells of her laughter persuaded a smile from his lips, as the sound caressed the inner shell of his ear.  
  
*Don't walk away*  
  
Three months later found him back at the circus, newly dismissed from his post as Relena Darlian's bodyguard, Heero again taking the post after completing his mission. Nothing had come from the half-year he had spent protecting the young Vice-Foreign Minister despite her brief explosion of interest in him. She had never sought him out, nor had she shown any impulse to pry deeper into his location and current status in society.  
  
Of course, he had attempted to convince himself it was all for the best, reminding his traitorous heart that he should not have expected anything more, and yet he was infinitely thankful for that one ray of hope he had been granted to bask in even if it was for only the briefest of intervals.  
  
He was content with his circus life. He found joy in the sibling relationship he had built with Catherine. It would have to be enough.  
  
It would be enough, and he had left all his impossible dreams behind.  
  
*Don't walk away, no*  
  
Trowa stared up at the ceiling of his trailer, mulling over the phone conversation he had just had with the only Gundam pilot he had remained in constant contact, Quatre Raberba Winner. Their talk had begun in the standard vein -- "How are you?" "How is everything?" "What have you been up to?" etc. -- before taking a rather unexpected turn,   
  
~ Quatre's face beamed from the small screen of the vidphone, chuckling at Trowa's remark concerning Cathy's progress with the new moving target routine before sobering enough to edge in, "I believe you are acquainted with Miss Relena Darlian, right?"  
  
Trowa gave the Arabian a scrutinizing look before nodding.  
  
"I thought I had heard Noin commissioned you to become Miss Relena's bodyguard for a time while Heero was away, but that isn't why I brought her up. It seems she has been visiting each of the Gundam pilots, and you, my friend, are the last one on her list."  
  
"What?" He could hardly believe what he was hearing.  
  
The pale, blond man smiled gently, trying to assuage the roaring confusion evident in his friend's usually serene green gaze, "She took a week off from her usual work schedule to visit first Wufei, then Duo, then Heero, then me, and well, I don't think I need to go further."  
  
The uni-banged pilot stared at the flickering image of his friend, "Do you know why?"  
  
"Mmm." Quatre nodded, the smile still planted firmly on his kind face, "I've known Miss Relena for quite some time now, and when I asked her why the only response she gave me was a smile and a wink. After that, she wouldn't even let me mention it." ~  
  
Of course, Relena's "reason" had vexed him since the call had ended over an hour ago, but Trowa was no closer to unraveling the woman's meaning than he had been when the puzzle was first brought to his attention.  
  
A knock on his trailer door forced him up and on his feet, his mind balking at being so interrupted while his reason, still muddled with the mystery of Relena's nonverbal response, hoped that his visitor wasn't Cathy.  
  
Trowa maneuvered his tall frame through the small living space, straightening things as he went since he was still in the process of unpacking his things from the extended stay at the Peacecraft Mansion, still reclaiming his "home".   
  
Why did that word suddenly seem so hollow?  
  
He suddenly wished he had been able to see Relena's face, her eyes, as she had smiled at Quatre's question regarding her motives. If he had been in a position to observe her reaction, her expression, he could have read the significance of the act.  
  
Another knock.  
  
Smoothing the front of his shirt over his chest and running a hand through his hair, Trowa opened the door only to step back and nearly gasp in shock, his eyes widening.  
  
Relena smiled a genuine smile, the sunlight creating a halo of spun gold about her head as her cheeks flushed a deep pinkish hue, the blue of her eyes rivaling the august clarity of the blue sky. Then her angelic voice reached him, and her words were as the sweetest music, "Mr. Barton, I'm Relena Darlian. May I come in?"  
  
*Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry  
My body's longing to hold you  
So bad it hurts inside  
Time is presious and it's slipping away  
And I've been waiting for you all of my life  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
So why, why won't you let me love you?*  
  
The End  
  
TBC? Nope, not a chance. I am, however, willing to do Relena's POV, but I WILL NOT be continuing this line. I want to leave it to the reader's imagination ^_^ The title kind of implies that they do get together, but I'd rather leave it as an uncertain thing hehe ^_^ Sorry! Don't hurt me!!! Now to False Engagements!!!  
  
  
  
  



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